Didn’t know where to put this, so I just put it on here.

I think God is teaching me something; that I have to allow him to work in me - I cannot do it on my own power. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are fruit. They grow out of a life in which God is working. I want those things, but I cannot make them happen. Somehow I am responsible to strive towards God, to wrestle and fight and struggle and do everything I can to be in his presence and love him. But at the same time, I can do nothing without God’s power and enabling - not even love him. He has called me, and my faith is a gift from him. It feels like such a weird place to be; it’s difficult even to articulate. Constantly striving, and yet at the mercy of God because my striving is not enough.